Live Blogging Filling Out The Ballot For My Oscar Pool

So there are the easy picks - your Whitakers, Mirrens, and Scorceses. Though, could Paul Greengrass steal it from Scorcese? If there's anyone who could upset it, it would be him - he's the films only big nomination, which kind of shows that the Acadmey saw the directing as the star of the film (which is true), and it was one of the best reviewed films of the year, and it was the first film to touch on 9/11, so they may want to acknowledge that. But most likely they won't, because I'm pretty sure the Academy is tired of smarmy film students quoting John Stewart, "For those of you keeping score at home, that's Three 6 Mafia - 1, Martin Scorcese - 0". And by the Academy, I mean me.

Did you know that the sound mixers have their own organization? It's called the Cinema Audio Society. And guess what - they have their own award. That's right. And guess what, every Society and Guild in Hollywod does the same thing. One of my production teachers is a three time "Grippy" award winner, swear to God. Anyway, my strategy? To vote along the guild awards for the technical awards. 'Dreamgirls' for sound mixing, 'Pans Labyrinth' for art direction.


Okay, you know that strategy I just talked about? It's bullshit. The Costumer Designers Guild Awards is split into three categories, for fantasy, period, and contemporary. Because they just had to be fair and reconize that all work can't be judged in one crass category of just plain 'Best', didn't they? They had to rub their noses in the Oscars face, by giving two of their awards to two of the nominees. Fuck. Is the 'Curse Of The Golden Flower' too over the top? Is 'The Queen' too minimal? Or are they impressed by that? Is that impressive though? They just wore a bunch of tweed. Fuck.

Okay, I just checked IMDb for who has won the best costume category for the last few years. 'Memoirs Of A Geisha' won last year, which shows they like the Asian things. They also gave awards to 'Return Of The King', as well as 'Gladiator', which hints that they kind of have a thing for flamboyant armor getups, again leaning in the favor of 'Golden Flower'. But they've also given awards to 'Moulin Rouge!' and 'Chicago', showing they have a tendency to go for the razamataz, so maybe a 'Dreamgirls' upser here? Damn it.

Okay, I went with 'Dreamgirls'. My theory? No one saw 'Golden Flower'. Shit. I'm sweating it, but I have to move on.

'Children Of Men' won the ASC Award. Duh. Name one movie thats used a camera better in the last ten years. Go ahead, I dare you.

Fun Fact: Click is an Oscar nominated film. For best makeup. Yeah. As much as people were amazed at how an elderly looking Adam Sandler could still make terrible poop jokes, I'm giving this one to 'Pans'.

Okay, my mother just called and said that theres an article on Berkshares in the New York Times today, so I'm going to try and track down a copy, because those things confounded me all summer.

So, apparently the article is in one of the regional sections that only gets sold in the Northeast, and it's part of the Times Select premium program online, which means I have to pay for it. I'm going to straight-up murder some one. Though, on the upside, I got a sandwich.

Are people over the Pixar thing? 'Cars' didn't create nearly the stir that their previous efforts did. I'm going with 'Happy Feet'. Penguins trump cars any day, hands down.


'The Departed' won the Eddie this year, which makes it pretty much a lock for Best Editing. Besides, no one can cut a montage to a Rolling Stones song like Thelma Schoonmaker. And cutting montages to Rolling Stone songs is really how editors judge their worth. No, really.

Any one want to make a side bet that when Al Gore accepts the Oscar for Best Documentary he'll end his speech by "raising their roof"? Any one? Five will get you ten.

I have no idea what any of the Documentary Shorts are about, but I like the sound of 'The Blood Of Yingzhou District'. Sounds snappy.


Foreign Film: This is a pickle. 'Pans Labyrinth' and 'The Lives Of Others' were both really good, and if I were being fair, I would spilt the award. But, I think more people have seen 'Pans', and theres such a big Latin presence in the nominations this year, that it'll probably get it.

Hey! That Berkshares article is in the national report section. Neat. Theres a little map in the middle of the article with Great Barrington starred off.

Score? I honestly have no idea. The academy loves their Philip Glass, but I think 'Pans' is going to take it again. And it should. And I checked off 'Listen' for best song. Because I don't care about that category at all this year (No DeVotchka love, really?), and am dreading having to sit through Beyonce's overwrought performances. Shes going to do the thing where she clenches her fist and pulls it in - three times in the course of one minute. I promise you.

I didn't get to go to the Animated Shorts program, so I'm picking 'Lifted' just because it's Pixar. I know I just said a second ago how the Pixar sheen has worn off... but I lied. As for the Live Shorts... it's probably going to 'Binta and The Great Idea', because its hart warming, has a positive message, was produced by Unicef, and is filled to the brim with cute African kids. But damn it, I'm putting down 'West Bank Story', the 'West Side Story' adaptation placed in an Israeli border town. Why? Because it was funny, entertaining, had some nice, subtle political jabs, and a man dressed in a menorah suit, that's why.

'Pirates' won almost every category at the Visual Effects awards (there are, literally five hundred awards given out), so I'm giving it best visual effects. Plus, I don't think anyone wants to give 'Poseidon' or 'Superman Returns' the vindication of being 'Oscar winning material'.


Screenplay is kind of iffy this year. Peter Morgan has won a few for 'The Queen', plus he wrote 'Last King Of Scotland'. But then Michael Arndt just won the Writers Guild Award for 'Little Miss Sunshine'. So what to do? I... I'm going with 'The Queen'. And for adaptation? Well. 'The Departed' won the Guild award, and 'Children of Men' wasn't even nominated there. But the writing awards at the Oscars have tendency to go to the more, progressive, cooler films that were actually better than the wons that won Best Picture (i.e., Eternal Sunshine, Talk To Her). So I'm going with 'Children Of Men', because as I've said before, it rocked my socks.


So the big one. Here's what I'm thinking. 'Little Miss Sunshine'. Not only that, but I'm betting on Abigal Breslin to upset Jennifer Hudson in the Best Supporting Actress. Because cute kids are just as exciting as redeemed reality show contestents, and it seems like the Academy really didn't want to give an award to 'Dreamgirls' unless it really needed to. So those are my thoughts. We'll see how I do in about two and a half hours. Oh, and want to look smart to your friends? Explain to them the reason everyone is laughing when Tom Cruise give Sherry Lansing the humanitarian award this year, its because Summer Redstone fired them both this year, and this a big kind of Fuck You to Viacom. Whee!

P.S. Try doing a Google image search for 'Dreamgirls'. It's uh... interesting.

Coming Up Next

I think its going to be a funny year. The fact that the national media is embroiled in whether or not they should be giving this much attention while they're giving this much attention to the death of a woman most of America honestly didn't care about if they had any idea who she was in the first place is a good sign of the highjinks we're in for in the near future. Also going to be funny: movies. I saw 'Reno 911: Miami' last night (Which was pretty good, basically just an hour and a half long episode of the show, except they get to say fuck and show the most awkward sexual encounter ever captured on film), and before that they showed the trailers for what I think will probably end up being the two funniest movies of the year.

The American version of the 'Knocked Up' trailer gives you a much better idea of what the story of the film is going to be, while the international trailer shoots more of the atmosphere of the movie. In a related note, I plan on using "Fuck off" as a response in all of my conversations from now on. "Would you like fries with that?" "No, fuck off."



And I am slowly dying of jealousy that people in England can watch 'Hot Fuzz' right now while I have to wait a month and a half. I hope they choke on their Marmite, though they probably will anyway since thats just the usual human reaction to eating Marmite.



Also, seeing every member of The State show up in 'Reno' last night got me excited for 'The Ten', the new movie from the Stella side of the team.



And finally, in music news, Wilco just announced that the tracklist for their new album, 'Sky Blue Sky', which is coming out in May. Sadly, songs like 'Let's Fight', that they've been playing live recently, didn't make the cut, which just means that I'm going to have be shilling out thirty dollars for the Japanese import of the disc in order to get all the B-Sides they attached to it. And by shill out thirty dollars, I mean steal from the internet.

Clive Owen Is A Stone Cold Pimp

I've been trying to come up with a better title for Clive Owen than that; it sounds too cheesy, to played out to accurately describe the man. But as of right now, I am at loss for a better word. Clive Owen is a stone cold pimp - scientific fact. It struck me yesterday as I was watching 'Croupier' (I know, I should have seen it long ago, but I'm just getting things I put on my Netflix queue in 2003 now), and I began to think back on his career. Sure, he's had some missteps (Did anyone, anywhere, at any point see 'Broken Borders'?), but in the last three years, it's amazing how he's honed his persona in a wide range of films. If you look at the posters for films like the intimate relationship drama 'Closer', or the historical action adventure 'King Arthur', or the stylized comic porn 'Sin City', or the twisty heist film 'Inside Man', or to the dystopian sci-fi thriller 'Children Of Men' (which I'm going on record as saying was my favorite film of last year) - they all have the same pull quote - "Clive Owen Is A Bad Ass." Sure, they're all from Jeffrey Lyons, who may or may not actually exist, but still, it counts.

So I decided to stack my queue with the aforementioned films as a part of a 'Clive Owen Is A Stone Cold Pimp Film Festival'. It was going to be great - I could dress in costume for each of the films, in a tuxedo for 'Croupier', in that spiffy overalls, sunglasses, and paper mask combo from 'Inside Man', and watching 'Sin City' would finally give me a reason to visit that 'Leather Daddy' store across the street from me. But then I realized something, something horrible. The one thing that first brought Clive Owen to my attention, that took my breath away except for one small hiss that went "Daaaaaamn" every thirty seconds or so, wasn't on DVD. But then I realized, I live in a world where YouTube exists.

'The Hire' films were a series of short films that BMW commisioned in 2001 and early 2002. Each film centered around Owen as a mysterious driver, who of course drove BMWs. They then got a ton of top shelf talent to work on each of them, and then showed them on the internet. These were like, one of the main reasons I bothered to show up to school for that year, waiting to watch them on a computer with an internet speed that had been updated since 1992.



"Ambush" - This was the second to last thing John Frankenheimer ever directed, and its full of the same kind of, blunt, grey European style action that he did for the last leg of his career, especially in movies like 'Ronin'. It's fitting that this is the first in the series, since where all of the subsequent entries try to tweak the car chase formula as much as possible, Frankenheimer seems perfectly content just to do it straight, and present it to you as entertainment. It's kind of like, the other directors here would freak out if their eggs Florentine were undercooked, while Frankenheimer would just order his eggs straight with a tumbler of whiskey. Because he had a drinking problem. And... I forgot where the joke was supposed to be on that one, sorry.



"The Chosen" - Ang Lee directed this while he was still riding the wave of being a visionary action director, a time when people were still blown away by 'Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon' and were excited for 'The Hulk'. That would explain why the chase in this one is basically car ballet, and why the kid is Ang Lee's son. Why a mysertious holy child who appears to have been raised in some secluded monastery is able to purchase comic book character themed medical supplies, still remains a mystery by the end though. Because who needs logic when you have shamless self promotion for your next movie?



"The Follow" - Director Wong Kar Wai brings his usual mix of beautifully depressing romanticism to the least action oriented of all the shorts. Highlights include mostly likely by tomorrow night Oscar winner Forest Whitaker pulling out his best shifty agent routine (Every actor in Hollywood has a shifty agent routine, its how they entertain each other at parties), Mickey Rourke being creepy, and Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima looking sad and pretty. Clive Owen remains a badass throughout.



"The Star" - I often wonder about Guy Ritchie's motivations. He popularized this new genre of British Thug films, then married Madonna, made a movie with her that sunk his career, and has spent the last five years watching his wife slowly morph into one of those generic looking aliens that they show in the recreations in those 'Unsolved Mysteries' episodes where the trucker gets abducted and anally probed, all the while doing every thing she can to grasp onto the last shards of fame she has. I know you can probably shake off 'The Star' to being Madonna having a laugh at herself, but it's scary to see the level of loathing that Richie has towards his wife in this thing - and this is from five years ago, the early part of thier relationship. I just imagine Madonna walks through her kitchen with her fifteen person entourage and Guy Ritchie is just sitting there with one of those old stone wheels that you operate by foot petal, sharpening some sort of ancient sickle. "What are you doing Guy?" "Oh... you know... keeping up."



"Powder Keg" - 'Babel' director Alejandro González Iñárritu and his (after the tiff they've been having over the promotion of 'Babel, former?) writing partner Guillermo Arriaga throw enough of their trademark blend of third world politics and tragic familial miscommunication to create what I think might possibly be the most depressing car chase ever put on film. Instead of getting an adrenaline rush from watching Clive Owen out run a cadre of Mexican thugs, I was instead filled with the urge to call my mother and tell her that I loved her. Thanks alot, dick.



"Hostage" - The only thing thats really surprising about this one is that John Woo didn't manage to fit a slow-mo shot of doves in it somewhere.



"Beat The Devil" - I'm thankful for this for so many reasons. Mainly, I think it's probably the last piece of terrific James Brown out of his fucking mind material that we have from the recently buried Hardest Working Man In Showbiz. My guess is that they didn't even tell him that there was a script, they just put him in the car with Owen and as far as he knows, he really was racing for his soul. And it's a good thing that he won too, because I would have hated to see the Godfather Of Soul end up in Tony Scott's version of hell, where you're forced to spend eternity in an over stylized, neon colored world, where you're constantly subjected to random jump cuts and oppressive non diegetic sound. You just sit on a rock, saying "Is this really necessary?" for all of time.



"Ticker" - "Smoking Aces" director Joe Carnahan handles the last one in the series. It's pretty straight forward
as stories about heart transplants in the middle of a military coup goes. I guess. I think it says something about what I've come to expect from my entertainment, out of years of ever heightening story lines in TV shows, when I find something like this a little mundane.

What A Presidential Candidate's My Space Page Says About Them

John Edwards: John Edwards wants you to hear what he has to say, and knowing that he's been out of politics (and the public eye) for the last three years, and that a failed vice presidential bid is the highlight of his resume, it makes sense that he's a little over eager to make sure people are listening to him. Honestly, I didn't even know that you could set up a YouTube clip to play as soon as you loaded a page, but Mr. Edwards has proved me wrong, because as soon as you get there, he's already asking you to stand up for healthcare. The rest of the page is fairly laid back, with a subtle beige and blue color scheme, all topped by a banner showcasing Mr. Edwards oddly youthful face. It's all very earthy, and very organic, very youth friendly - his top eight is made up of a collection of poorly lit dorm dwellers and frat boys, two young military members in Iraq, and his wife, Elizabeth, who apparently felt the need to get in on this. It all kind of screams, "John Edwards Is The Candidate Of The Youth Of America, At Least The One With A Name That Doesn't Sound Like A Terrorist".

Barrack Obama: Speaking of which. Barack Obama's site is kind of boring - the blue and white layout makes it look more like a Facebook page than a wild and expressive MySpace page. But the kicker about Mr. Obama's page is that he has nothing to do with it - it's all unofficial. Even still, the creator of the site has already surpassed their goal of 35,000 unsolicited adds, just a few hundred away from 38,000 (Edwards, in contrast, only has a little over 11,000 so far). At this pace, it seems that Mr. Obama could just come back to Chicago, eat himself into a Mr. Beef coma that would last until next November, and still win the election. When they woke him up to tell him the news, he'd probably just mumble "Cool," then go get some Fruit Loops and watch Blues Clues.

Tom Vilsack: Tom Vilsack's page accurately reflects his position in the race, since I would have no idea who he was or that he was running if it wasn't for the odd Orwellian banner announcing it on the top of the page.

Hillary Clinton: Hillary Clinton is in it to win it, and her MySpace page screams it out loud. It doesn't matter that she has more face recognition or money than any other candidate out there, her page is crammed with more photos to make sure you know what she looks like from every angle and in every color pant suit, and gives you multiple opportunities to spend money on every thing that you could possibly put the name Hillary on. There are banners and links for every conceivable internet group she could be a part of: Facebook, Livejournal, Flickr, MySpace (On her MySpace page, yeah), and every official and unofficial Hillary site in between. Try this out - look above your bed. There's probably a Hillary poster up there right now. Yeah, she put it up while you were sleeping. It's how she rolls.

John McCain: Do you remember the SNL skit from 2000, where all of the GOP primary candidates were sitting around in a hotel in New Hampshire, and Will Ferrell's George Bush says to Chris Parnell's John McCain "Oh, were you a prisoner of war, I hadn't heard"? That's kind of how Mr. McCain's unofficial MySpace page reads - "Oh, are you a patriot, I hadn't been told". The red white and blue font lay out, to the mildly conservative, Drudge reportish text design, the top 24 comprised entirely of military men, and the fact that he completely ignored the usual space for books and movies just to put in excerpts explaining his stance on various issues, everything here cries out to tell you that forget what you heard in 2000, John McCain is hardcore conservative.

Rudy Giuliani: As much as the McCain page reads like a headline from the Post, Rudy Giuliani's unofficial MySpace Page reads like a quiet editorial in the Times, the very definition of a moderate Republican trying to appear moderate (And yes, I know that the Post-Times comparison looks stupid since they used a Post cover for their profile picture, but he's kissing his wife on it, showing off his romantic, lively side, which is the antithesis of the Republican party, so they kind of equal themselves out). Its understated grey font on a white background, and it's lone photo of Giuliani's Time Man Of The Year cover all kind of say, "I'm classy, but I'm not going to rub it in, because that'd be rude." Shrewd Mr. Mayor, very shrewd.

Mitt Romney: Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney is kind of a dark horse in the race so far, seeing as he's not really that well known nation wide. So what does he do? He goes alternative - he takes it to the Facebook, looking to get into the minds of the educated youth, make them think that he's hip. Listing the Kingston Trio in his favorite music is kind of working against that goal, but whatever. It's also fun to read his wall - which as of yesterday was littered with as many negative messages calling him a crap governor as there were ones saying how excited to see him speak in their town, but today, they're all gone. Though for some reason they decided it was fine to leave up the ones asking Mr. Romney when they were going to hang out or if he could give them the notes from the lecture last week. Put the upside of having your candidate on the Facebook? You can tell your parents that you just poked the governor. And they'll ask you what that means, and you'll just shrug, because honestly, what the hell is the point of poking someone on Facebook?

Mike Huckabee: Wow. I know candidates like to get their names out there as much as possible, but Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee should really consider getting a cease and desist order against whoever made his unofficial MySpace page for him. A collection of every YouTube clip Huckabee ever appeared in (I think one of Jason Schwartzman and Jude Law made its way into the bottom there too), every logo or seal that you could possibly equate with Mr. Huckabee, a slide show of photos of the site's creator with Mr. Huckabee, and blocks of text that have never had a chance of seeing a paragraph break, the page reads more like a newspaper covered wall of a potential stalker/assassin than a campaign promotion. Helping no one is the choice of the Pointer Sisters as the page theme song, or the gigantic Huckabee logo that's used as the background. It's like his eyes are following you. Seriously though, he should probably up his secuirty detail.

He Should Have Just Kept His Dick In The Box

A List Of Things That Caught My Attention While Watching Justin Timberlake's Video For "What Goes Around Comes Around":

The Credit "Written By Nick Cassavettes": I understand that he wrote 'Blow', and directed 'Alpha Dog', and is the son of one of the greatest directors in American independent cinema, but you put that up on the screen and the only thing I see is "From the guy who made The Notebook".

The Dialogue: Seriously, someone wrote this? This sounds more like Cassavettes got drunk, and then tried to copy down dialogue from 'Body Heat', but when he looked at his screen the next morning its was just a long line of Zs from where he passed out, so he just went to the set that day and said "Hey, have you guys ever seen this movie? No? Oh that's right, you weren't even born when it was made. Hmm... Okay, how about this, have you ever seen a movie on Cinemax at two in the morning? Yeah, talk like that, okay? I'll be at the crafts table."

The Visual Metaphors: Throughout the video, Bayer cuts to what I guess you can really only call fire dancers (Is there a less literate name for it? Like, Pyroeur? I don't know), who are swinging around what look like flaming hoola hoops. And because the story takes place in some exotic, erotic Vaudevillian cabaret, Timberlake sings, on a circular stage, into a round microphone that I'm pretty sure hasn't been used since the day Jack Benny left the radio. But do you know what shapes all of those things are? Circles. That's right. They're round. I guess you could say, they come around. Because this video isn't just some poorly conceived attempt by all parties to appear cool - oh no, its deeper than that. It has levels, damn it.

Shawn Hatosy: I appreciate that he's part of the 'Alpha Dog' brain trust here, but come on, playing a thick street thug is one thing, but playing a guy who could a) get Scarlett Johansson and b) steal Scarlett Johansson from Justin Timberlake is another thing. A thing that's so far removed, it's in a different country. Wearing sunglasses and a fake moustache. And when you try to talk to it, all it will say is, "Me no speak the English." Though I have to admit that they build his character beautifully. Who wouldn't want to leave the sensual pop singer for his drunk faced friend who blurts out bon mots like "Of course you do! Of course you do. Let me tell you something, you're awesome, and you're awesome, and you're awesome, and you're awesome, and this deserves a toast." It's the definition of irresistible.

The Fight Scene: I know Justin Timberlake is walking that fine line between shunting off his boyband past completely and embracing the image of the tough loving adult pop star, and in theory, a curse filled fist fight where you come out on top sounds like a good idea. But no one looks good by the end of this scene. Mr. Hatosy's "character"(?) suffers the indignity of having his ass handed to him by the guy from N*Sync, his only defense seeming to be repeating "I like her too" in the highest pitch he can reach. And the only thing that I could think of when Mr. Timberlake lets out his angry side and begins with the punching and the choking, was this one time these two guys got into a fight at a party because the first guy didn't like the way that the other guy was looking at his collar. About three minutes of arm flailing later (I think they were attempting to punch each other), the first guy explained to his crying, pleading girlfriend, "I don't like it when people disrespect my style." He then made sure that his collar had not been unpopped during the tussle. Also, who the hell decided it would be a good idea to give Scarlett curls in this scene? Because suddenly we're supposed to dislike her character, so you give her a hideous haircut? Actually, that's not a bad idea.

The End: You know those bits that they used to do on Conan? Where Brian McCann would be in the audience, and then Conan would say something inconsequential, and he freaks out, and goes, "Where's my kayak?", and runs up the stairs, gets into a kayak, and then they cut to a piece of stock footage where a guy goes over a cliff on a kayak. That's what I was thinking about when they cut to the shot where Scarlett's car flips over. I think they just stole the clip from an old episode of 'Starsky and Hutch'. And an other question, did she crash into the burning wreck of another crash? Doesn't that deserve some sort of explanation? Or is it like in 'Crash', where people in LA just burn up old cars for some sort of emotional metaphor? I don't know. Also, the creepy little smile that Justin gives after we see her crash - I know that this is supposed to be some sort of edgy video fare, where we don't necessarily side with our pop protagonist, but dude, come on, that's just creepy. And Ms. Johansson, if you wish to remedy the fact that you're one of this generation's current ingénues who still doesn't have an Oscar nomination, I would sincerely start practicing my "Oh God, I'm going to die in a slow motion car crash" face. Because it needs work. Also, I was under the impression that after going through some sort of horrific car crash, people would end up bloody and broken, rather than perfectly made up and lying on the road like they had just decided to take a nap there.

Honestly, I yelled out loud at this video. After that fight scene, I just screamed "No! Ahhhhhhhhhh!" so loud that I scared myself. This video is so bad that it makes me want to give up on the world in general. That's it, where's my kayak?

If Prince Wants A Camel, You Get Prince A Camel

So, that was disappointing. I realized when I woke up this morning that I didn't have any plans to watch the game, and it kind of started the ball rolling around in my head, what if I represent the antithesis of what everyone in this city is feeling right now? What if I have the saddest Superbowl Party ever? And I did. I cooked some eggs, a can of Heinz beans - bam, dinner for one. And that was gone before Billy Joel got through the National Anthem (On a side note, Marlee Matlin really showed him up while signing - the woman put her soul into that. When they got to the rockets red glare part, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had actually burst into a red glare - whatever that is exactly. Bravo, Marlee, Oscar caliber stuff there). And then the game was on. I watched it in the same clothes that I've been wearing all day - elastic band fleece pants, blue t-shirt, rattiest hoodie I own - on my couch. I fell asleep by the third quarter, so I didn't even get to see Rex Grossman work his way into the cholesterol clogged, hateful hearts of the sports fans of Chicago. I only woke up when someone from the party in the apartment below me went out into the alley and started to scream - "COLTS - WHOOOOOO!". I think he vomited a lung out. He then proceeded to yell some more.

One thing that didn't disappoint though? Prince. Like I said before, I've never been that big a Prince fan - what can I say, I'm not a very "sexy" person, so in kind of picking through the catalogue of music's history, I was never that interested in his stuff. But Jesus Christ on God mountain did he bring it tonight. I think its fitting that he did this about a month after James Brown's passing, because I would have no problem calling Prince the hardest working man in showbiz after this. I thought it was pretty good for a halftime show, but he really caught my attention when he started into the 'All Along The Watchtower' cover. It was really startling because I suddenly realized that I must not remember the words to 'All Along The Watchtower' at all. It wasn't until he got to the chorus that I realized he was singing the Foo Fighters.



He had me by the end of that. But then, holy shit. Before the show started, I was thinking that they were going to but up a tarp or something to keep the stage dry, but by the end, I almost think that Prince brought the rain. Because yes, I now fully believe that Prince can control the weather. He's that good. Playing 'Purple Rain' in the rain? And when he throws down the microphone at the end for the audience to sing, well, damn Prince, you can be all the funny little man with weird whims and funny suits you want - you've earned it.

I'm On My Fourth Heart Attack Of The Night

Are you ready for some football? Because I know I am. I've got my can of Hormel's Chili and bag of Blazin Buffalo Dorritos ready on the go - will they somehow find their way into some sort of glorious union? Stay tuned my friends, stay tuned and see.

I honestly don't think I would care about the game this year if I wasn't in Chicago. The Patriots aren't playing, so I don't have to watch to know what my dad will be talking about for the next week; there won't be any movie trailers in the ads this year, and I'm not really in a rush to watch that K-Fed ad that's already been on the internet for a week; and I've honestly never been that much of a Prince fan, unless he's trying to buy a camel at three in the morning in Minneapolis. Plus, the Super Bowl is on CBS this year, which means that instead of getting Sydney Bristow in two lingerie choices or Meredith Grey coming this close to getting blown up (God, I was hoping so hard), we get Mandy Patankin and Thomas Gibson pretending that they don't hate each other on a new episode of Criminal Minds. Whee.

And on top of all of that, the New York Times answered the one question I always think about at the end of the Superbowl - where do the other teams hats go? As soon as the trophy is presented to Tom Brady to hold, he was always outfitted in a ridiculously oversized t-shirt and cap proclaiming the Patriots victory, which means that there has to be a box full of the other teams shirts, mocking them with the victory that never was. So where do they go? Answer: Africa, a land where the Buffalo Bills are the greatest football team to have ever attempted the game.

Also, I saw 'Pan's Labyrinth' last night, and well, lets just put it this way, I think Brian Urlacher eats children.

Sun Is In The Sky, Why, Oh Why?

Hey! It's still freezing. I know it probably sounds like I'm over harping this, and should let it go, but honestly, it's become the biggest part of my life right now. As soon as you get inside, all anyone will talk about is how cold it is - and this doesn't spring from the awkward feeling of not knowing someone that well so you talk about the weather - people actually care. This is an actual conversation I overheard at the movies today: "So I killed a bear today. I made a coat out of him" "Where did you find a bear?" "Lincoln Park Zoo." "Is it warm?" "It was, but once it gave off most of it's bear steam, it was just kind of heavy, and then the blood started to freeze." "Damn, that sucks." "Yeah I know. Like, this bear had cubs too. I looked them in the eyes as I turned their mother into a coat." "What did you do with it?" "I threw it into a dumpster."

So, to summarize - cold. Which is why I'm excited for Thursday, when I get to see Lily Allen at the Metro, as part of her American coming out tour that kicked off tonight on SNL. It all seemed silly to me back in the summer, why Capitol would wait to release an album that was so sunny and fun in the middle of January. When its cold. (I'm not even kidding, I think Lake Michigan finally gave in and froze over) But I kind of see the appeal right now, because I'm looking forward to Thursday, hoping that it will be the one spot in the week when something is actually able to take my mind off of the facts that despite an entire tube of Burts Bees my lips have chapped open into a series of painful opens sores. And to their credit, Capital does honestly seem to be pushing her - the major television appearances, these Mtv spots:

But is it working? Asking around my school, no one has heard of Lily Allen. I put on 'LDN' the other night at a party, and the kids who had been giggle dancing their way through 'Thriller' seconds before (Art School Kids don't sincerely dance, I've learned that now) all kind of stopped. Oh, but if you put some Of Montreal song about turning into a penguin on, they'll be right back out there, giggling.

Anyway, here's Lily's newest video, for 'Alfie'. It's basically a literal interpretation of the song, which usually doesn't work - I'm looking at you, every Men At Work video ever made - except her brother is played by a puppet. It's basically 'My Cousin Skeeter', but with more cute English girls, less Bill Bellamy, and I'm guessing about the same amount of weed. Seriously, someone must have been injecting Drain-O into their vains to think that show was a good idea.

Seriously God, Why You Gotta Be Like That?

There are moments in life when I think God enjoys being a dick - not in a malicious way, but like, if you were drinking buddies with God, and you passed out, he would totally sharpie a moustache onto your face right underneath the spot on your forehead where he wrote "I'm the guy who sucks." And as hard as you wash, you just can't get that off of your head before its time for that job meeting. "That was kind of a dick thing to do God." "Well, you should have cut yourself off man. You brought it on yourself." And he's right. Because he's all omni like that.

Anyway, this came up because someone decided that it should be -5 degrees while I partake in my yearly 'Catching Up With The Oscar Nominees To Ease The Pain Of My Lacking Social Life Routine', or 'February', to most people. And that negative five wasn't some sort of whimsical exaggeration - that's actually the temperature right now. Without the wind. And you best believe that there's wind. Because there is hella wind. I'm constantly walking around looking like I'm the middle of a seizure because I'm trying to keep my beard from freezing to my face.

And seeing as how it only looks to be getting worse (the high for tomorrow? A balmy 3 degrees!), I'll probably write more in here, since I've already done my homework for the week - and its not like I'm going to read or anything.

Oh, and also - Go Bears.