Roadtrip!

True, we'd probably have to take a plane, at the very least a boat, but I feel like cars would be involved at one point or another, so... roadtrip. It still counts damn it. Where are we going you ask? Dickensworld! What is Dickens World you ask? Let's let the fine English folks explain:

"Dickens World is a brand new, innovative and exciting indoor visitor complex themed around the life, books and times of one of Britain’s best loved authors, Charles Dickens. It will take visitors on a fascinating journey through Dickens’ lifetime as they step back into Dickensian England and are immersed in the urban streets, sounds and smells of the 19th century.

With a host of captivating attractions, Dickens World features one of Europe’s largest dark boat rides, the Haunted house of Ebenezer Scrooge, a state-of-the art animatronic show, Victorian School Room, 4D high definition show and Fagin’s Den. Offering a unique showcase for one of the world’s best loved storytellers, Dickens World will truly offer visitors the ‘day out of a lifetime’. Dickens World is based on a credible and factual account of Charles Dickens works and the world in which he lived. Working with The Dickens Fellowship great attention has been paid to the authenticity of the time, characters and story lines. It offers a new and entertaining way to enjoy Dickens and his characters as well as gaining an understanding of the times and conditions people experienced living in England in the early 19th century."

You're already packing your bags, aren't you? I mean, ghosts, urchins, crazy old women in wedding dresses? You don't get that at Disney World my friends, not even on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. And that description just begins to whet my appetite - whats in store for Europe's largest dark boat ride? What was Europe's largest dark boat ride before this? Who is going around measuring the length of dark boat rides? And what is a dark boat ride? I mean... the title sounds self explanatory, but, is the boat riding through something dark? Is it just dark inside of the boat? It's vague, that's all I'm saying. Do you come out of Scrooge's Haunted House with a new optimistic outlook on life, like the way you come out of It's A Small World with a deep paranoia that children are slowly starting to raise an army up against you? And who doesn't want to go into a Victorian School room? It's like school now, but back when they could still hit you. You know, when learning was fun. And Fagin's Den? Oh God, I hope thats a theme restaurant. All the waiters are small pickpockets. And a 4D HD show? Of what? Is that just going to be a 3D production of the life of David Copperfield where they just throw dirt at you to make you feel like you're there? If so, awesome.

The only thing I could think of that would be better than going to Dickens World is to work there. I mean, their help wanted section of the site is labeled "Can you meet our 'Great Expecations'?" I think I just shed a tear, it's so beautiful. Spending the whole day trying to convince a family on holiday from Slough that you'll shiv them unless they give you their watches - and getting paid for it! Though, I'm guessing they would have a pretty lousy dental plan, seeing how that would affect your performance and all. Though, I'm guessing English corporations, in general, have crappy dental plans. I mean, it's England. Bad teeth are as English as beans for breakfast.