Delusional Girlfriend Theater

I think keeping tabs on the relationship statuses of celebrity is basically the entertainment alternative for people who don't play fantasy football. They both involve obsessing over people you'll never meet, and both slowly drain away from any chance you have of having an actual social life of your own. Frankly, they're American. Anyway - let's look at the boards. We may have lost Queen Amidala and her decoy to their respective hunky Mexican boy friend and skinny British fiancee (somewhere in Madrid, a sob rings out, followed by a muffled gun shot), but its all good. Because who needs them? They're skinny. And Rachel Bilson is now single. As is Scarlett Johansson. And I don't know about you my friends, but I am what they call "prime rebound material". Seriously, I have that written on a mesh trucker hat. It's very funny.

And then there was this, from the new issue of Filter magazine, the one with John Krasinski becoming the fifth Shin on the cover. They interview Lily Allen, and ask her about what type of men she actually likes:

"What kind of guy is Lily attracted to, anyway? 'They're all slightly overweight with facial hair and glasses; the Sean Lennon type,' she tells me after a moment of consideration. 'The more self esteem issues a guy has about himself and his physical appearance, the more attractive I find him. Probably because it make him easy to manipulate,'"

It's true, we're like emotional Playdo. Is there some sort of reverse laser surgery where they can screw up your eyes to the point that you require glasses? Because if so, I am so in. Slightly overweight? My nickname is Ponch, and it's not just because I'm a huge "CHiPs" fan (though I totally am). Facial hair? Oh yeah, and its patchy, its patchy as hell. It looks like I just cut my hair off, applied glue to my face, and threw the clippings into the wind to see whatever would stick. Self esteem issues? I think you know where that issue stands by the fact that you're reading my blog.

I can only pray that this wasn't a joke, and that guys like me are actually a 'type', and not just in the 'you're totally like my brother, I can tell you anything' type. Because seriously, that makes me want to bang my head against the wall, and I do, and it hurts.