Animal News!

We have gone too far. Sure, its easy to make fun of him. He can't fly, or run fast, or, shoot a bow and arrow. He's just generally not that super. And the green and orange ensemble isn't really helping anything either. But it seems now, after years of 'sea men' jokes, he has had enough. Because, Aquaman - is - pissed. The recent death of 'Crocodile Hunter' Steve Irwin was a tragic accident, though it seemed somewhat reasonable due to the fact that Irwin spent his life provoking animals past reasonable logic. But, what I'm saying is, was it? Irwin's death appeared to be an accident, but it acquired world wide attention. Now an attack on this man in Florida, with the same MO (though this one actually jumped out of the water to do it), suggests, maybe this wasn't just a one off thing. Irwin got our attention, this last case shows us that he's serious, and any of us could be next. Aquaman is the king of the sea. That's the majority of the world. And he's tired of taking our shit. I would just like to go on record as saying, I love Aquaman (especially 'new' Aquaman. A hook hand? The definition of awesome my friend), and would like to not be pecked to death by the flock of seagulls that live in the parking lot next to my building (Yeah, didn't think of that did you - seagulls are under his domain, since they're apparently from the sea. If he wanted to, he could just turn the entire world into the 'The Birds', except, you know, with just one type of bird. Still scary though.)



This story from NPR about a boy running with, then being chased by, then mounted by a deer while his entire cross country team apparently did nothing but take pictures and I'm assuming, laugh until they had trouble breathing is kind of a metaphor for adolescence. Picture one is the boy posing with the deer smiling, because at the start we're all cute kids, and we're excited about becoming adults. At picture two, we're starting out, and it's a little scary, but nothing we can't handle. Picture three, okay, somebody help me, I was wrong. Picture four, seriously you guys, this isn't funny any more! You give up on whining by picture five, because no one is listening. Picture five is either when you start playing football and drinking, or start painting your nails black and listening to My Chemical Romance. And drinking. Because by picture six, you have been fully mounted and licked by the deer. And you just kind of go with it. Because by picture eight, they're just kind of pushing you into the race again. And, like adolescence, its hilarious when it's not happening to you. Because that kid totally got attacked by a deer.



From the BBC: A Russian official has accused the King Of Spain of drugging a tame bear with a mixture of honey and vodka before hunting it down. I think this is an important opportunity for all of us. It would be fantastic if the world was thrown into war over the death of a bear. World War I was set off over the death of an arch-duke, why not a bear? If this situation escalates to the point of war, can you imagine the lesson the five of us left after the nuclear holocaust would take away with us? "You guys, we went to war over a bear. Man, that is silly. War is silly." We would all agree, and then Mary would succumb to radiation poisoning.

Also, vodka and honey sounds like a delicious way to get sloshed.



This video of a comedian doing some fifth rate Carlos Mencia shtick and being assaulted by two women when he asks - actually asks them- if they were offended by a terrible 'towel head' routine isn't strictly animal related, but watching him scream did remind me of the time I was at the circus, and they took away the unicycle from the Unicycling Bear - ironic, I know. We all laughed, and then when he tried to get it back they shot him with a tranquilizer dart, and he fell to the floor, drooling. And we laughed even harder. I'm not saying that I find animal cruelty funny, it was just - well the bear was wearing a hat. I guess you had to be there.