Miss Teen Water Waster (A Mild-Mannered Rant In Two Parts)

I was under the assumption that doing your laundry at 5:45 on a Sunday morning, you would be alone, you'd have your pick of the best washers and dryers, you wouldn't have to suffer the shame of judgmental strangers watching you as you struggle to pack down a pile of your unmentionables into a hole smaller than most frisbees. But in what is just another part in what is quickly becoming the way of everything in my life, I was wrong. Every washer was in use, at least half the dryers were going - could it possibly be that there were as many people with as dysfunctional sleeping patterns as myself? I was under the impression that at 5 on a Sunday 95% of my building would be teetering off into an alcohol filled dream world filled with marshmallow men and English rabbits, but did they all decide to throw a load in before they started their pre-game - a phrase, which I was led to believe (by Time magazine, my source on all youth related topics) referred to an actual game, where underage students who couldn't get drunk at the game got drunk in their rooms beforehand, so they could... I'm not even going to try and guess what the logic behind this is, since drinking and sporting events are both things way out of my comfort zone, never mind the two of them combined. But now people 'pre-game', by drinking before they go to a party. A party where they will continue to drink. I don't really care about the drinking part, but haven't we corrupted the heartland enough? We hip New England liberals, most of us are far too pansyish to step near a soccer ball (which isn't even a real sport in most parts of the country), but we feel fine using a term that was originally created to define an honored spirit building tradition. Is nothing sacred?

Before I started channeling Bill Sunday, I was writing about laundry. It wasn't that a lot of people were doing laundry at the early hour, just one person doing a lot of laundry. There was one girl there when I went to put my clothes in, the same girl was there when I changed them over and when I took them out. Except she wasn't on the same cycle as I was. Each time I went down there, she was tending a different washer or dryer, each one at some varying stage. I can fit all of my clothes into one small hamper, do them in one load. I tend to dress like a homeless person though, so I don't really figure I'm a prime example of the regular launderer, but for Christ's sake, she was carting away her clothes in a shopping cart, and this was just for her first trip. I know nothing about you Morning Laundry girl, perhaps you are an amazing socialite, burning through a world where there is no greater sin than to be caught wearing the same outfit twice, but somehow, I don't think so. Maybe you just think you are, an inverted Mrs. Havisham, where instead of wearing the same dress all your life you're compulsively changing your outfits for the man who jilted you all those years ago, lest you look out of date when he finally returns to you. Most likely though, you're just a silly teenage girl who spends too much money on clothes and appearances when it really doesn't make that much of a difference. Since you'll never read this, and would never listen to my opinion anyway, because, I honestly look like a panhandler, especially on laundry day, I can only hope that you do your early morning routines every Sunday, and hopefully I can switch to another day where I won't have to run into you. Because you bother me, and I like to be alone when I do these things.