Kicking Television

This past weekend I've slowly been gearing up for Valentine's day. And by gear up I mean I have slowly descended into an ever consuming pit of television. And it doesn't help that my roommate's parents sent us about five pounds of candy yesterday, along with a bunch of decorations. So not only have I set up permanent residence on my couch over the last 96 hours, but that residence now includes a string of paper hearts and a bowl a terrible 'conversation hearts' that I'm slowly picking at. All's not last though - as with all things in life, I've learned. Deep, deep, valuable lessons:

- The Dick Cheney shooting incident is the greatest piece of comedic gold yet to be produced by this administration, and that is really saying something. It's also created some great moments with my new favorite part of the government, the White House Press core. It's been amazing to watch Scot McClellan over the last few years, especially in the last year as things have really begun to spin out of control for the Bush administration. When Ari Fleischer left in 2003, the press was sufficiently whipped, so I guess they felt it was alright to hand off the job to someone like McClellan. I think up to that point Scott had just been that guy at the office who no one really knew what he did, but they didn't mind because he kept to himself and ate his lunch in the corner. But in the last few months, as Katrina broke and the media suddenly remembered where they had left their integrity (in the refrigerator, can you believe it?), McClellan has been getting tossed around like a rag doll. Harriet Meyers, Karl Rove and Scooter Libby, Abrabmoff, the War, now the press core is asking questions like "At which point did you know Vice President Dick Cheney was the shooter?". Puppies on a linoleum floor handle themselves with more grace. So does this mean that we the American people will finally get some answers? No, no it doesn't. But it does mean that every morning at 11 we'll get a few laughs. And that's what's really important. Also, hands down the best joke to be made out of the Cheney thing - (made by the Daily Show and I think CNN actually used it as a headline) 'Cheney's Got A Gun'. Yeah, let that sink in for a bit.

- Jack Bauer is now more American than apple pie. One man fights to save the lives of thousands of innocent mall denizens, does it get any better than that? No, no it does not. This episode was full of 'America -F Yeah!" moments that '24' dips into every now and then (a terrorist turning on the other terrorists he was transporting the bomb with after a pool cleaner helped them change a tire and he saw some kids playing basketball in season 2 comes to mind), where we see just how precious our way of life, the thing Jack sacrifices himself to protect, really is. Of course with every shot of a kid innocently playing in the mall, I couldn't help thinking back to John Hodgman's story in his book "The Areas Of My Expertise", where he spends a few days at the Mall of America, where he had this exchange - "Working in a mall is a little nerve wrecking" she confides, "because as the largest mall in the United States, we are a prime target for terrorism." "You know what?" I say. "Fuck you."

- Also great about 24 last night, Timothy Omundson shooting himself in the head, which will make every 'Judging Amy' rerun TNT runs just a little more awkward to watch. Not that I watch 'Judging Amy' reruns. But if I did, I would say, wow, the cast from that show is really going off in different directions. Omundson playing a Russian terrorist on '24', Jillian Armenante as the screaming wife of the bomb guy on 'Grey's Anatomy', Dan Futterman getting an Oscar nomination for writing 'Capote' (also a weird little note, I'm watching 'The Birdcage' on TBS, and not only is Futterman in it, but so is Grant Heslov, who is nominated this year for co-writing 'Good Night and Good Luck' Is this the first time two writing nominees from different movies have been in a movie together? Does anyone care? Bueller? Bueller?). And Tyne Daly has gracefully bowed out of the limelight. So, everybody wins.

- If USA keeps their current schedule of curling, dog shows, Monk, and Law and Order reruns, they will become the most popular channel on television.

These were just a few of the things I picked up over the past few days. And, look, it's past midnight. I can go to bed now with the piercing loneliness of valentines day behind me, and look forward to the regular loneliness I face every day. But it's okay, because I know television will be there with me. Unless there is a black out. That would suck.