A Very YouTube Christmas

There was a chance that it was a passing fad, that, subjected to the relentless playing of Christmas music and terrible politically correct banners everywhere, that the Christmas spirit I felt a few weeks ago would be diminished by now. But my friends, I am still all about Christmas, and what's more, I am determined to drag the rest of you down with me. To start off, I'll give you what are probably two of the greatest Christmas songs ever recorded:



This should have never have happened. Bing Crosby had built a career on being the symbol of wholesome American values, where you croon sweet music, drink till you can't legally see anymore, and then go home and beat your wife. David Bowie had spent the last ten year dressing up like a girly alien, pretending to fellate his guitarist's penis on stage, and singing loopy songs about spiders. But some how, they came together to create one of the most beautiful Christmas songs ever. It's also fun because Bing clearly has no idea who Bowie is, or why he's standing next to him.



The Pogues album 'If I Should Fall From Grace From God' starts off with three songs about drinking, cursing, and gambling so much that God doesn't want anything to do with you, which makes the way 'Fairytale Of New York' begins all the more genius. Gone is that, quick Irish howling, and instead Shane McGowan croons over a slow piano piece. Its so soft and, kind of cheesy, that it forces you to listen. Which is kind of brilliant, since what follows is one of the greatest Christmas songs ever written. Sure, it's about drunks and heroin junkies, but honestly, what great holiday piece doesn't have some under current of depression? It's kind of what the holidays are all about, finding the ability to be happy in the middle of all the soul crushing sadness the world throws upon us. Plus, look quickly and you'll see Matt Dillon!



I've been listening to Sufjan's 'Songs For Christmas' a lot over the last few weeks, and the most impressive thing to me about the collection is how he manages to come up with new Christmas stories in what seems like a kind of played out genre. But sending some magical fairy cult to rescue your grandmother? Yeah, I got to give to him on this one.



I attended a live action performance of "A Charlie Brown Christmas Special" and "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer" last night, and it was fantastic. The best thing about them was that they played them pretty much straight. They took some liberties in the Rudolph part, adlibbing in some jokes, which is fine, because as much as you love it, admit, its kind of stupid. Like think about the ending. They're all kind of rejoicing in the fact that they've all learned to be more accepting, and that Rudolph has come of age. Oh, but look, the prospector is alive because Abomniables can bounce, and... he's reformed! Is that it, did we wrap up every ludicrous plot line yet? Yeah? And its happy? Okay, lets go home. I'm not saying its bad, but there is room to mock it.

But thankfully the cast at the Annoyance Theater realized that the same didn't go for "A Charlie Brown Christmas". Other than talking flatly and shuffling around the stage, the cast played it completely straight. Which is the way it should be, because "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is honestly one of the greatest pieces of art ever created. There isn't a single thing wrong with it. I'm serious.

Okay fine, we can make fun of it.



I'm fairly sure that has to be real. The voices are too good and too perfectly recorded to be fake or cut together. Either way, its brilliant. The casting of Cox as Linus is just inspired. And also, Santa is about to shoot some bitches.



Merry Christmas!