All Things Go

I applied to art school under the assumption that there would be little to no work involved. I was lied to.

I realize now that every possible things that could be written about the Oscars, every joke that could be made about the actual jokes that were made during the show have been made. I went 5 for 9 in my predictions, which... is a mixed bag, since I was hoping there would be upsets, and there were, just not where I wanted them to be. 'Crash' won. It seems like an upset, but looking back, should we be surprised that people in LA decided to honor a movie about themselves? It's kind of what the Oscars are all about. I was more upset by the mini sweep 'Memoirs of a Geisha' had going in the technical categories, especially Dion Beebe beating Robert Elswit in the best cinematography category. And then he had the gall to thank Sony for having the bravery to make this movie. Bravery? Bravery in adapting one of the most successful books of the last 10 years into a major studio film? The only thing I could say was brave about that production was in making a movie about Japanese people in English, especially when your star can barely make it through a thirty second award show bit with out sounding like a malfunctioning robot (Don't get me wrong, I love Ziyi Zhang, I think she's a terrific actress... when she knows what she is saying. Seriously, go pick up '2046', you'll see). Do you know the definition of 'shenanigans' Mr. Beebe? I think you must, because you just committed it.

Other than that though... I learned a few things. Jon Stewart is always funny, especially when you put him in the same room as the 3 - 6 Mafia ("For those of you keeping count at home, Martin Scorcese, 0. 3 - 6 Mafia, 1"). Why Keira Knightly is so attractive ("God Dust", according to Stephen Colbert). I laugh with Will Ferrell and Steve Carell. I laugh at Ben Stiller. Then I weep. Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin are the most talented actresses in Hollywood, I honestly didn't 't want them to stop their Altman introduction speech (It also got me really excited for 'A Prairie Home Companion'). And also, thank you Ang Lee, for officially killing "I wish I could quit you" jokes by making one in your speech. I would have been annoyed by it, but I can't get annoyed with Ang Lee. He's like your friend's dad who picks you up from soccer practice, and barely says 5 words in the ten years that you know him. Your dad's friend who makes gay cowboy movies. Actually, that sounded creepy.

So, feeling a little blue, what better way to pick myself up than watch two action packed hours of '24'? The return of both Kim and Tony? And the guy from 'Soul Man'? As is my birthright, I say 'Wicked'. And for the first hour, it fully satisfied my need, my need for speed. A real time race to contain a canister of nerve gas AND a middle age woman takes one in the leg? 'Crash' what? Dion Bebee who? But then hour two rolled around. Kim shows up, with creepy boyfriend/ therapist/ expert 'Van Dyke' wearer C Thomas Howell in tow, and then breaks Jacks heart by giving him the brush off. Tony wakes up and finds out Michelle is dead, then fills with himself with 'Soul Patch' rage. Fine, I like where this is all going... and then. I really feel confident about the state of our national security when the fictional TV show where, I'm pretty sure CIA agents are glorified and portrayed as much more exciting than they actually are, has it's headquarter's security breached over and over again. One of Julian Sand's oddly Russian bad guys opens a can of the SYNTOX nerve gas in the building, trapping everyone in sealed off rooms. Except for Edgar, because he's large and can't run as fast as the other, 'prettier' agents. Which I guess means that he had to die. And die he did. He died hard.

As the show has really defined its formula over the past few seasons (watch a rerun of season one, it's amazing how different it is), one of the nicest things that it's been able to do is to build these subtle character arcs into all the heavy plot, and I think one of the best ones has been the weird kind of relationship between Mary Lynn Rajskub's Chloe and Louis Lombardi's Edgar. They're both nerds, they're both weird looking (in the context of all the pretty pretty people that they work with and fight against), and both are stubborn and slightly annoying. But over the last year and a half, one of the joys of watching this show has been the few moments when they would show some actual concern for each other (Chloe covering for Edgar after his mom died, Edgar worrying when Chloe was almost killed at the beginning of this year) and then covering up their concern with their usual mix of bitterness and work ethic. Which made the last moment of last night's episode, as Edgar gave his last doe eyed expression as he mumbled "Chloe?", and she just had to look helplessly through the glass, crying. I'm also amazed at how far Rajskub has come since her days as "One of those people in the background" on Mr. Show to actually making me tear up. They've killed a lot of major characters on '24', characters that I liked more than Edgar. But never like this, never just so... sad. This was by far the best use of the 'silent clock' since Teri's death at the end of season one and, I'm, still not really over it. There's no joke here, but feel free to make your own snarky comment over the fact that I almost cried while watching television last night. You heartless bastards.

But there is happiness in the world. As evidenced by this. Watching this made me take back what I said about Natalie Portman's hair earlier, it must have just been what ever they put in her hair in that Vanity Fair shoot. She looks good with short hair, kind of like a punky Jean Seberg. And seeing her crash a bottle over her head might just be enough to make me forget about '24'. Edgar who... actually no. I'm still upset. Man, fuck you Jon Cassar, or Howard Gordon, or David Fury, or whoever is responsible for all of this. I need a snack.