Roadtrip!

True, we'd probably have to take a plane, at the very least a boat, but I feel like cars would be involved at one point or another, so... roadtrip. It still counts damn it. Where are we going you ask? Dickensworld! What is Dickens World you ask? Let's let the fine English folks explain:

"Dickens World is a brand new, innovative and exciting indoor visitor complex themed around the life, books and times of one of Britain’s best loved authors, Charles Dickens. It will take visitors on a fascinating journey through Dickens’ lifetime as they step back into Dickensian England and are immersed in the urban streets, sounds and smells of the 19th century.

With a host of captivating attractions, Dickens World features one of Europe’s largest dark boat rides, the Haunted house of Ebenezer Scrooge, a state-of-the art animatronic show, Victorian School Room, 4D high definition show and Fagin’s Den. Offering a unique showcase for one of the world’s best loved storytellers, Dickens World will truly offer visitors the ‘day out of a lifetime’. Dickens World is based on a credible and factual account of Charles Dickens works and the world in which he lived. Working with The Dickens Fellowship great attention has been paid to the authenticity of the time, characters and story lines. It offers a new and entertaining way to enjoy Dickens and his characters as well as gaining an understanding of the times and conditions people experienced living in England in the early 19th century."

You're already packing your bags, aren't you? I mean, ghosts, urchins, crazy old women in wedding dresses? You don't get that at Disney World my friends, not even on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. And that description just begins to whet my appetite - whats in store for Europe's largest dark boat ride? What was Europe's largest dark boat ride before this? Who is going around measuring the length of dark boat rides? And what is a dark boat ride? I mean... the title sounds self explanatory, but, is the boat riding through something dark? Is it just dark inside of the boat? It's vague, that's all I'm saying. Do you come out of Scrooge's Haunted House with a new optimistic outlook on life, like the way you come out of It's A Small World with a deep paranoia that children are slowly starting to raise an army up against you? And who doesn't want to go into a Victorian School room? It's like school now, but back when they could still hit you. You know, when learning was fun. And Fagin's Den? Oh God, I hope thats a theme restaurant. All the waiters are small pickpockets. And a 4D HD show? Of what? Is that just going to be a 3D production of the life of David Copperfield where they just throw dirt at you to make you feel like you're there? If so, awesome.

The only thing I could think of that would be better than going to Dickens World is to work there. I mean, their help wanted section of the site is labeled "Can you meet our 'Great Expecations'?" I think I just shed a tear, it's so beautiful. Spending the whole day trying to convince a family on holiday from Slough that you'll shiv them unless they give you their watches - and getting paid for it! Though, I'm guessing they would have a pretty lousy dental plan, seeing how that would affect your performance and all. Though, I'm guessing English corporations, in general, have crappy dental plans. I mean, it's England. Bad teeth are as English as beans for breakfast.

The Dark Knight Returns

This is all rather disheartening. They're shooting the new Batman movie in town right now - I know since every film student is simulteanously pulling their hair out/selling their bodies to get onto the set as PAs (it's all a little counterproductive if you ask me, but whatever), or they're scouring the south side in hopes of finding the mythical warehouse that supposedly houses twenty copies of the new Batmobile (Oh, goodness, that is going to end so well. "Film Student Violenty Beaten To Death In Search Of Prop Car. Grieving Mother: 'At least he died doing what he loved. I guess.'"). And of course, even if I wasn't in film school, the whole crashing buses through buildings and trying to light the city on fire again might have tipped me off a bit. But, this is all pointless now. Whats the point of making a new Batman movie when you have this?



The seemless camera movement, the flawless sound design, the breathtakingly real fight choreography. Who needs Christian Bale when you can dress up in a Halloween costume on your moms roof? Who needs Heath Ledger when you have a guy with a question mark shirt hiding in a port-o-john? Who needs Chris O'Donnell... actually that kid was probably on par with Chris O'Donnell now that I think about it. The way he just walks off getting hit in the head with a cane likes its an ice cream headache - he needs to be sitting across a table from Jame Lipton right now.

In all seriousness though, its fun to laugh at this, but then, I start to think about how blatantly bad it is, and the time they must have but into this, and... it kind of haunts me. Is it a joke? If it is it's brilliant, but, theres just... they must have had those fucking costumes, and the dialogue is the exact same stuff I would come up with when I played Batman as a kid - like line for line (I had the breast plate and everything, it was sweet). It's just... too subtle, to naive to be satire. It's like the film equivalent of a terrible American Idol audition. They can watch this over and over, and they just won't get it. So is it some wildly insightful piece of satire, like Sartre if he wrote a graphic novel, or is just, as wrestler1304 wrote, "probably the gayest thing i have ever seen"? I guess we'll just have to wait to find out.

One thing we do not have to wait to learn though, if Batman is being attacked by some anonymous hoodied thug with a big stick, and he just can't quite shake him, all Robin has to do is apparently threaten to hug him and he'll run off. Because no one wants to touch a 25 year old who walks around in public in ridiculously restrictive green underwear. No one.

(Link via ISB, via Boing Boing)

God, You're Mean

I think theres an episode of Scrubs where they say that having a kid is basically like having a dog that learns to talk, and this short from Adam McKay and Will Ferrell basically backs that up. I mean, it's adorable to have a two year old cuss out one of the biggest box office stars in America, but won't there be some latent psychological effect of having your father's best friend call you a mean drunk? Probably, but nothing nearly as bad as what this kid has in store.

ED NOTE: Okay, Hi. So, pretty soon after I wrote this, this video became the biggest thing on the internet since that .gif of the dancing hamster, and they erased all the copies from YouTube. Pearl has been interviewed in People, and now Funny or Die, the site they launched with this little gem (seriously, I'd make some joke about if you could tie a sports theme into a potty mouthed two year old, Ferrell would have another hit on his hands, but I feel every blog and it's mother has already done it in the last week, so I'm just going to let it go) has been flooded with thousands of, really bad comedy shorts. Beauty of the internet my friends. One of these that you probably won't be hearing too much about is iGod, which was made by a kid I go to school with. It... actually isn't that funny, it's a pretty weak premise and then an anticlimatic punch line. But it looks pretty! We shoot on film, damn it! Um yeah... Hey, look, a guy jerks off in this one. Classic.

I Got A Weird Thing For Girls Who Say, "Aboot."

Speaking of things the internet has drastically changed, let's talk about music videos. You know what they are right? Cool, let's go.

Broken Social Scene member, Peaches BFF, and all around Cute Canadian Feist just released two videos to help promote her new album 'The Reminder'.



The first is for 'My Moon, My Man', which is kind of like if Mike Nichols had directed that Ok Go video. It's bad enough that I'm banned from the treadmills at my school gym, now I just know I'll be wating to board my plane one second, and then being physically restrained by airport secuirty for trying to inspire a musical dance number on the moving walkway the next. It's a criminal offense. Feist only got away with it because they filmed it in Canada. Seriously, read the Patriot Act - they covered everything.



The second is for her song '1 2 3 4', which is similiar to the 'My Moon, My Man' video, except this is a more colorful and cheerful affair. The dancing, the amazing camera work, the song itself, this video just makes me happy. Kind of like a 'GAP' ad, except I don't hate the world when it's over.



The Shin's video for 'Australia' is kind of like a some odd marriage between a Benny Hill sketch and a Learning To Love You More assignment. Baloons! Orange Jumpsuits! Marty dressed like a shrub! Wacky! It's all a big complex and enjoyable set up that in the end wasn't really about anything. So, you know, like a Shins song.



Theres a clever little story in the video for The Hold Steady's 'Stuck Between Stations' (make sure you watch it till the end), but mostly it's just a showcase for the band to look like an actual band, rather than a novelty act like the 'Chips Ahoy' video kind of made them out to be. Added bonus, ample time to Craig Finn's crazy cool hand gestures.



The Arcade Fire aren't offically releasing any videos for 'Neon Bible', which means YouTube will be littered with amateur videos of kids running through trees to 'No Cars Go' to symbolize freedom from society. But whoever did this clip for 'My Body Is A Cage' sure as hell got it right - pick one of the best shot movies ever, string some clips together, and play it out slow. I would have never of thought of Sergio Leone and Win Butler in the same breath before, but damn if I don't now. Also, Henry Fonda should have really played more bad guys.

Hey, Chochachos!

It's been over a month, yipes. It's just, things have been crazy, you know? Midterms, going home, spending Easter with Jesus - it's just been a lot. I even had an idea for a post a few weeks back, I thought, yeah, I'll come back, write this up, present it like a new gift to all of my friends, it'll be a good time. Then 'Time' magazine stole my idea. Swear to God, I even had a "the only thing the Internet has had a greater impact on than comics is porn" joke in there too. It's like 'Time' magazine is in my head (which is actually a delusion I've suffered from since they hired Joel Stein, but I digress). So then, I thought, maybe I could write up the food aspect of it, but no, Salon had me beat. And you know, so did Chow (home of the most obscure drinks on the internet). And then when 'B.C.' artist Johnny Hart died, I thought, "Hey why don't I use the occasion of his death to make fun of his terrible pun based humour and simultaenously pimp Christ Onstad?". Thanks alot, Huffington Post.

So, yeah. Anyways, read Achewood. It is a good time.