Attack Of The Bible Sweater

"You haven't updated in a week. Maybe that's because you're a lazy jackass. Maybe it's because you have mono. I wouldn't know, because you haven't been updating. jackass."

When the man is right, he is of course, right. I was home all last week, where there is no wireless internet connection unless I feel like walking down to the coffee shop, and you can probably guess how that thought process went. But I also was lucky enough to catch a cold from my father, the very same cold that he had caught from my mother earlier in the week. God, I missed my family. So, yes Sam, I am both lazy and sick. Happy now?

Many things happened in the past week, but I feel too sick to really sit here and fully explain them, so I figured I'd just rattatat them out, Jame Joyce style, or at least what I think is James Joyce style, since I only got about 50 pages into "Portrait of the Artist As A Young Man" before I realized I had no idea what it was about. But I enjoyed the use of the word 'snogging'. I'm reading James Ellroy's 'The Cold Six Thousand', a book about people involved in the cover up of the Kennedy assassination, and like all Ellroy books, it's filled with an entertaining mix of bitter cops, seedy pornographic underbellies, and the terribly violent murder of prostitutes. These are the reasons I came. The first word of the chapter I was reading while waiting for my flight at Midway was "Hate", which caught the eye of the woman in the sweater that looked like a knitted sunset sitting next to me, who, as I was turning my head to watch George Washington get trounced by Duke, felt the need to point out to me that, "While that book might be about hate, this one is all about peace and love." It was the Bible of course. The next 45 minutes entailed me staring at the floor, gently nodding my head, as I was regaled with a tail of how the Bible (her's was actually a day by day Bible, she suggested I pick one up next year, or if I wanted to I could start this year and just play catch up) changed her life, how praying for friends got her friends, and it wasn't a coincidence, it was a God-incidence. Only way to explain it apparently, by making up words. I got the feeling that she does this a lot, that the whole, spontaneous 'Hate' line was just an easy in, since she seemed to expect me to say no to every question she asked (Why yes, I do know they story of Job, oh, but you'll tell it to me anyway? Fine then), and she picked up that I knew a bit about the Bible, so I told her I was Catholic. I knew this was a gamble, either she would back down, sensing there was no chance of a conversion, or else try to buddy buddy me with more Jesus talk, except now she would expect me to answer her sometime. What I got was a speech on how to distinguish between the word of God and the law of man. I caught a break when she stopped to say thank you to a soldier in uniform, and we were called to our boarding lines (she of course in A, I, in the home for slackers, the C line). Obviously this woman was happy, and I admit that the praying for friends idea has crossed my miserable mind once or twice, but would it never occur to the woman that maybe I like being bitter and sad? Probably not, since it doesn't make sense. Unless of course you are bitter and sad.

So, I went home, my father shaved off his beard for the first time since... ever. I'm fairly sure the man was born with a beard, and it's almost as if he's taunting God with his razor wielding. My parents have redecorated their room, since they're putting our house on the market later this year, which gives the room a weird feeling, like no one actually lives in it, its like a tumor on the rest of the house. Things I learned over the rest of my spring break... reeybees is an acceptable Scrabble word, as is Gaayo. Me say gaayo. 'V For Vendetta' proved I could watch a guy in a mask for two hours and not get totally weirded out (of course Natalie Portman helped too). After watching 'The Chumscrubber', a movie about a kid who finally wakes up after giving up antidepressants (and then gets Camilla Belle at the end), I thought about 'Donnie Darko', a movie about a kid who saves the world when he stops taking his pills (and gets Jenna Malone, sort of), and 'Garden State', a movie about a kid who gives up his pills and wakes up (and gets Natalie Portman in the end), I said "Hey, a pattern!". Maybe all the Scientology talk of psychiatry being evil isn't so crazy. Because movies don't lie. And speaking of Scientology, this story of Issac Hayes not actually quitting South Park has been debunked in another statement. Which, if you read the first story, makes the rebuttal seem a little iffy. And I think I found my dream job, after watching 'Thank You For Smoking', which I'm fairly positive was not the message I was supposed to come away with. I saw it in New York, where I got a better chance to realize that Kim's Video is the greatest store on Earth. How about the greatest place on Earth. Yeah, I think I'm willing to go that far. I'm that type of person though.

Overall, my trip was sleeping and watching television, except with a different view out the window, and people to talk to. Which is always nice. And on a final note, Howard at Kushi Tan wrote about the Jenny Lewis show in Washington, but posted a picture he found that was from the Chicago show I saw. So I think I can post it. And I am.



The shot is from the exact angle that I had during the show, which makes me sure that the guy who took it was the large black man who pushed me with his belly into Ted and Amanda, causing me to hold me breathe and step on my toes for fives minutes while he took his pictures with his huge camera. Ah, sweet memories. The picture came out well. I think I named him Howard.

And on, seriously, the final note, Kate Mara, who played Alma Jr. (Do you call girls juniors?) in Brokeback, was on 24 tonight, and looks to rival Chloe in the crazy, so that made me feel a little better. And also, the woman who is playing the bossy Homeland Security Woman on 24 was also the Bossy CIA Woman in 'Syriana', if anyone else was wondering where the hell she was from. It really bothered me last week. Hopefully a second billed cast member from another film that was up for Best Supporting Actor this year will be on next week, because I enjoy nerdy little things like that. I feel sad now.