Shiny Little Men, They're Everywhere

Wow, today is a big day. Tonight is the President's State of the Union address, which I will not be watching since there's a new Gilmore Girls on opposite it. I'm not really ashamed of this since the address is basically just a preview of the talking points that I'll be consistently beat over the head with for the next year, so I'm in no rush to hear them, especially when I know that he'll just trip over his delivery and then smirk at the end of every sentence, as if to notify "Cool, right?" It's like his variation of a laugh track, his version of sticking his thumbs up and going "Ehhh...", which is probably what he really wants to do, though they've probably convinced him that that wouldn't play as well as he thinks it will. That's probably the reason that he stopped wearing the leather jacket during the 2000 primaries. And why he didn't marry Pinky Tuscadero all those years ago. Or why he didn't jump his bike over all of those garbage cans. Ah, the things we sacrifice for our careers.

But the only important thing to happen today already happened. The Oscar Nominations. And the biggest news among them? That's right, cinematographer Robert Elswit is now Oscar nominated cinematographer Robert Elswit. I was a little worried that he might split the vote between 'Good Night, and Good Luck.' and 'Syriana', but now that he got the nomination for 'Good Night' the work in both films will hopefully seal his win. I also just realized that the fact that I wrote that previous sentence could serve as a valuable clue to the state of my current social life. Anyway, Noah Bambauch got a nomination for Best Original Screenplay, and honestly, anyone who writes a scene with a kid smearing his semen on library books deserves to win. Though apparently only screen-writers saw that movie, because if any one else had then they would have given a nomination to Laura Linney rather than Judi Dench. Honestly, Judi Dench? Were they really that hard up for Best Actress nominees? Did any one see 'Mrs. Henderson Presents'? I'm not sure if Judi Dench saw it, I think she fell asleep the night she was planning on seeing it because she took a nap before hand, and then woke up like five minutes before it was going to start, and then debated whether or not she was willing to miss the first few minutes, and then she probably just got a snack and went back to bed. Though one good thing about the fact that the Best Actress category was such a crap shoot was that Keira Knightley pulled out a nomination, which is great because it means that more people will hopefully see that movie, which I honestly thought was one of the best last year (it also had one of Donald Sutherland's best performances to date, and he didn't even get killed by a dwarf in this one). And you know what, I'm willing to give up my bitterness towards Dame Judi Dench's nomination, because she was in Pride and Prejudice. That's how much I liked it. And, on a related note, I highly enjoy watching the sport of football. Ahem. Some people say that Keira Kinghtley shouldn't have been nominated, that in all of her previous movies she was out acted by soccer balls, deteriorating monkeys and planks of wood. I say that this is erroneous (that monkey couldn't act for shit), and that she was able to tap into just the right amount of girlishness and stubborn feminism to pull off Lizzy Bennet. That and she is really, really pretty. I'm fairly sure that counts for something.

Oh, and William Hurt? And for that argument Frances McDormand? They're both great actors, but out of the cast of 'A History of Violence', him? He's in it for five minutes and I'm fairly sure he was on morphine the entire time. It was enjoyable, but it's kind of a waste of a nomination (Sutherland? Sarsgaard. Or, as the pirates convention would say, "SarsgaaRRRRRRRRD" Honestly, what does Peter Sarsgaard have to do to get a nomination? 'Boys Don't Cry', 'Shattered Glass', 'Kinsey', 'Jarhead'. Does he have to play a musician, is that what you want from him? Because he'll do it. He does a mean Smiths - era Morrissey). And no one in the academy saw North Country, they probably saw that McDormand used the same accent that she used in 'Fargo' and got all excited. Did S. Epatha Merkerson get nominated for 'Lackawana Blues'? I think she must have, since it's become federal law to give her an award for that. I don't even know what 'Lackawana Blues' is, but I feel the need to give her an award for it. I also think Jon Brion should have been nominated. Sure, he didn't compose any scores this year, but logic doesn't really play into the minds of Academy voters, proven by the fact that they seem to think that Clint Eastwood is the greatest American filmmaker working today. Because we can never give the star of 'Every Which Way But Loose' too many awards. The man acted with a monkey. And not some, "Peter Jackson - digital-monkey" crap, but an honest to goodness monkey. No amount of awards we give him will bestow the amount of honor that he truly deserves. But we have to try.